This was Sunday, when I spent most of the time laying on the beach, nothing to worry. Nothing to do. Nothing to go to.
Today however, I'm back to become workaholic, demotivated and busy. Busy as bee. I have sessions already scheduled til August, 5 reports to be done by end of this week and customers' issues that need to be resolved asap. I have errands to run by weekends, pay my credit cards and do my tax before end of this month. Husband already booked saturday evening for a friend's son birthday party and we have appointment with insurance agent this Friday. A lot of to do list, a lot of things to attend to.
Ok, I'm whiner, I got that. But all of these are too overwhelmed right now that I wish I can still lay on beach with nothing in mind.
Great news, the bonuses are in!!!! I was over the moon!!!
That was the initial reaction - the moon, the joy, the top of the world. But after I sat down, look back at the numbers and calculate all the planned expenses and saving, I went back to demotivated, a little bit frustrated and ungrateful as my husband puts it.
Sorry to admit, people are all materialistic, and I'm no exception. I know, I should be thankful because with all the recession that has been going on for a few months now, I can still get bonuses and keep my job. Maybe I was putting such high hopes, something beyond unrealistic, and I should stop doing that!
So, I am going to stick to the original plan and put the house fund as the first priority. Yes, that's the plan!
I prayed really hard that this day will never come. No matter how bad the situation is, I thought that we would survive.
But last week, SAP finally announced that they are laying off 3000 people. I almost dropped my coffee when they broke the news. Completely, utterly shocked! And since then, different rumors surface every single day - which made mornings now so dreadful!
I try my best to stay positive. But it's never easy! Especially during times like this. I really hope things will get better soon. By soon, I mean next week. Or next month. Please! Else, I might need a Plan B.
It's hot, crowded, noisy and absolute madness! Cows are everywhere - middle of the road, outside the office, construction sites, you name it! And no one dare to honk them! The drivers were like honking to each other but not to the cows. Stupid!
With all the reasons above, I decided to stay home this weekend. Going out means headache and heat and noise and dehydration. Even if this the only chance I got to experience India, so be it. Plus, I'm not planning to get sick so near to my wedding day.
Speaking of wedding, I already settled most of the things before flying to India. Only some minor details left, so mom will take care of those while I'm away. I left the wedding book to her, just incase. Oh yes, I have a wedding book!
Wow, I can't believe it's really going to be a wedding! In 13 days! I'm super excited OK! Just too bad I have to go through this hell, before I can fly home and marry the man I love.
Everything went wrong at work since Monday, which put me in the foulest, nastiest mood ever. I lost interest to do what I basically love to do everyday and I'm not even looking forward to go to work today, tomorrow and the rest of the week.
I feel so demotivated. Can I just go home and plan the wedding instead?
God knows how much I really need this weekend for myself. I am tired of cleaning up other people's mess all week, I'm tired of trying to cover every people mistakes all the time. This week was HELL! And no one like being cranky all the time. So exhausting! The only person that keep me sane entire day at the office was the person who wasting his precious time taking this awful photo.
So I need this weekend to be just about nothing. Nothing whatsoever to think about. No place that I need to go to. No to do list. Nothing. Just leave me doing whatever I want to do OK?
Now I'm watching Man of The House with dad. So, good day!
Alhamdulillah, everything ran smoothly. Just like I pictured it to be. I'll update on it later, I promised. Thing has been so out of hand lately, so let me settle one thing at the time ok.
In the mean time, here's some Kodak moment from the event. Sorry I didn't inform everyone earlier. But I thank you all for all the congrats and birthday wishes. Saya sangat terharu :P.
Yet, I'm still having the reruns of Project Runaways so that I could cross it out from the list. Yes, I have "watching project runaway" in my To-do list, besides completing the Grey's, Prison Break latest season and reading the past two months issue of Female. Sad isn't it? Even the tiny little fun stuff need to be scheduled.
I have a lot in mind that I need to figure out how to basically finish everything before work starts on Monday. I know, hectic. But it's not so much of energy left, so I'm done for the day. Besides, I try not to keep the pressure high during weekends because I don't think I could handle it anymore. 5 days are enough OK.
Plus, I do think I need help. Medical help.
Last week, mom made this rule not to ever touch the laptop at home on weekdays, which means no surfing whatsoever. It's not about the bill really, although it could be one of the benefits. Just that, since the I-could-not-breathe incident, mom is really concern of my "workaholic" situation. At least that what she think it is. She believes that I overwork and neglect the rest I should have - which causing me to have the "stress symptom" and blood circulation problem like you know, sometimes having a difficulty to breathe properly or sudden headache. Whilst she's not a doctor, I seem to believe everything she said. Plus, it puts me to ease too, knowing that she also experienced the same thing before. At least I can reassure myself for now that it isn't cancer or heart problem.
So, tomorrow was arranged for either a full body scan or at least a simple medical checkup. But looking at the list now, I don't think I could make it for neither. It just that, I have this session with one of the valuable customer last Wednesday and it's already Friday. I'm still preparing the report and I have to ensure I could get it done by Monday. Otherwise, there would be loads of explanation to do, which I hate and nervous about.
And seeing it for the first time here made it even more interesting.
It's the Morning After Mini Bag by Rebecca Minkoff. Sangat, sangat gorgeous ok. And one of the managers owns it. I'm green with envy.
In other news, I'm swamped with work this week. Overwhelming, but in a fun and good way ;P. And from what I heard, right after Chinese New Year, the load will be piling up for us newbies. So, stay tuned!
Here I am watching my favorite channel, E! yet I'm still bored. All I kept thinking about is work, sessions, reports etc etc etc.
I know, I've been longing for public holidays, weekends every single day. But now when that day finally arrived, I couldn't figure out what to do. U-n-b-e-l-i-e-v-a-b-l-e!
I need new books! Or a part time job that can pay me more so that I can shop without being broke!
I reached office earlier than usual only to realize that I have nothing to do today.
Just a few days back, I was rushing for the delayed sessions and reports for QA, and now I got nothing left to do. Nada! I'm dead bored! I surfed but with such small windows, you know there's nothing exciting about that!
I had a so-so week last week, as most of the time was spent waiting - Waiting for phone calls, emails, 2nd level messages, QA, feedback etc etc. Everyone hates waiting!
Thus today, I was so worn out trying to finish up the delayed sessions. Not that I have never had backlogs before, but since we already completed the training and exam, should be no more excuses for such thing.
And the guys seemed to think that the customers bullied me already. Mana ada! Like today, I have to put some note, like a form of explanation to his boss on how the system supposed to be set up. I don't think it's a big deal. Although I do believe that it was his part of the job but it was nothing, really. Just a note. So what, I have to verify with 2nd level about that note I put for his boss and wait for a few days for that clarification. No biggie! Nothing.
I'm beyond upset right now. I'm 26, soon to be 27! I'm allowed to choose what I want to do career wise.
But she's still mad at me. She did talk for the first few days although everything seemed so hurtful. Now, she won't even talk to me, let alone make jokes with me. Even if I'm left alone with her in the same room, she wont say a word, not even try to make conversation. Oh God, help me!
I'm still standing firm on the decision I made. Not even a moment I'll regret it. And how I wish she could understand and support it no matter what. But I couldn't force her now. Not after I crushed her dream.
I don't know how much longer I could handle this. I don't mind not being her best one anymore, I just need her not to ignore me. How could I make things right, now that she completely shut me down?
Can someone tell me how on earth I should answer this question when I really don't want that job??
I'm really confused. Here I am, loving every bit of my current job, yet my parents want me to excel in another interview that I don't even have the heart to go. All I can think of now is sabotaging the interview but they are so happy I got the call. So tell me how can I do it without even feeling guilty?
If things aren't getting better by next week, I might be the next workaholic. Hahaha. No lah! Only that things got out of hands lately, which forced me to work extra hours. For instance:
1. I'm officially started doing session this week and pity me, I've got the worst system among all.
2. I was so damn slow that it took me 4 days to finish a session
3. I have PTD assessment last Friday - I took a leave that day
4. I have to study for my exam, which is in 3 weeks time
People told me to slow down but like that's going to help! I CAN'T! I have to speed everything up in order to catch up with others! PRONTO! And although the #4 sounds like as simple as it could be, it's really not. I have exactly 21 days before the certification and if you forget, I work. With recent workloads, I can only reach home around 10 something. So that leave me with 3 weekends. BUT, my dear cousin will be getting married next weekend and next next weekend. So that leave me with 1 weekend. How is that even possible?
In the spirit of brightening up my day, I wore the only red shoes I own, to work. Although it might be a weird mix but who cares right? I remember wearing it only once before as it was awfully painful after 5 minutes walk. But not today. Today, it did not fail me. So that sum up to a good day!
I notice that I've been talking less lately, I mean outside the office. And I feel lonely. I guess it is something I need to get used to these days. Zero social life.
Not like I have nothing to talk about - Raya celebration, the new job, the new exciting workplace etc. Did I mention my office is a block away from Pavilion and 10 minutes walk to KLCC? Did I mention I have my first Tony Roma's lunch today? Did I mention that my team already suggested me to teach them German after work? Did I mention that I travel 4 hours forth and back everyday? Yes, EVERY SINGLE DAY! I got tonnes of things to babble on here but so little time. Weekends now are even busier than the weekdays. Open houses, visits from abah's and mak's families and friends. I have to involve in every visits without excuses, like I have no choice. Everyone wants to meet that daughter who just came back from Germany. At one time, I have to repeat the same German stories like 5 times a day. And until today, I couldn't even find time to watch McDreamy yet although the latest season is already in my hard disk since last month. Because I don't have time! And privacy!
That's something I couldn't afford for now, privacy. Living with parents at the age of 26 can sometimes be hard especially when your mom still treat you like a 6 years old girl. I couldn't remember the last time I actually cried my eyes out. Like today when I really wanted to, I couldn't find the better place for it. Pathetic kan?
I wish for bright sunny day tomorrow. I don't think I can hold this tears any longer.
Last month I received a phone call from my dream company, asking me to attend their interview. I was psyched, tried not to expect too much. I got another call later last week for the second good news, I was accepted!
Ever since, life has been pretty much in a fast phase. The resignation on the next day, a week notice instead of a month, medical check up, lots of explanation to be made to clarify the situation, tonnes of documents to sign, scan and email, plus the change request that I was supposed to do this month. I've been staying up late, sick and super stress that I almost burned out.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy with the offer. Of course I do! But I laid out a plan before leaving the company. I want to leave in good term, serving them notice they deserve and finish what I have started. I want to spend more time with my RHB friends, at least spending raya with them. But it was all in rush, which make me wonder if all this really worth it.
Today, bunch of friends surprised me with a trip to bowling alley. I've never played but for all the effort they made, all I can do is at least throw the ball to longkang. It was fun and I was touched. I've never taught a group of people I knew for only 2 months can at least treat me the way they did. I almost cried. I truly did. And on the way home, I didn't sleep at all. It's mesmerizing looking at pictures of us goofing around for the very last time. I don't know, we promised to keep in touch. We promised to meet up once in a while. But I know these kinda promises. It's something you said because it's appropriate at the time. Something that really hard to keep. Something that only nature could explain. You move on, meeting new friends, you forget the friends you used to hang out with. Even if you do keep in touch, it would never be the same. Not like before when you meet them everyday.
For now, I am totally going to miss them. A LOT. And I hope things will get better at the new place. If not, I'd sure to regret this. Kidding.
