When I returned from work; totally exhausted, I suddenly got messages from a friend. He rarely does that, so it must be something really important to tell. He recently heard rumors about me; something I considered a 'bad news'. He didn't believe it but he still asked, just to make sure. I was stunned, but of course I told him it wasn't true. Then, later that night, I accused someone who is totally innocent, spreading it to everybody. I felt bad!
Actually, I'm not really good in handling and taking criticism. I have a big one a couple of weeks ago, when one of my close friends suddenly burst out, saying something about me being mean, nagging and pessimist. Imagine you had a bad day (or even a good one) and someone told you such thing? Hurt? You bet your ass I am! Til this day, I still remember it. I didn't say it isn't true but still, he has no right to say so. If he's a friend, he should accept me the way I am. I started thinking about why we even started to be friends at the first place and why we have to stay friends til now if I'm so that bad? Go find a new pal! Simple as that!
Me :
Teruk sgt ke aku ni? She:
Ntah la, bg aku kau biasa je. Me : So?
She:
Hmmm, bukan suma org boleh tahan ngan kau. Me : (A lil bit taken back)
Iye? Abis ko? She:
Aku tahan la, dah aku best friend ko. Me :
Abis, kenapa kau kawan ngan aku gak? She:
Lor, kau pun tahan gak ngan perangai aku. Complicated bende ni. Tapi suma org lelain. ko lain, dia lain. Kau boleh kwn ngan aku, ade org yg tak boleh. Macam tu la ngan aku.I know it was too early to judge. But for 4 years I've known Fina, she's one of friends I can accept critics from. I believe that she knows well enough to make judgements about me. But of course, it's not just her. I can accept them from those I totally respect and care too. Yeah right, from anyone that I totally RESPECT.
I used to have a best friend in high school. We were soo close, I felt like I shared my life with her. She knew every single bit. She rarely critized me which was weird, but she once told me that as long as we are best friends, we just have to be ourselves. We don't have to act like ms goody goody around each other. Gosh, I love her til this day. but things changed and I hate it! It pissed me off when people say that. People change. Why it has to be like that? As far as I'm concerned, there's no misunderstanding between us. But of course it's hard having a long distance relationship. Both have to compromise money, time. And if only one side manage to survive, it still won't work out. I really blame Germany for this. I miss her though. It was all my fault. If I took things seriously and started to appreciate her, it won't be this bad. Now I'm lost, don't know what to do to make things work.
I could hardly remembered someone says something bad to my face. But they might did behind me so it doesn't count. What hurt is that, when I heard it from someone really close to me, close enough to know how my day goes everyday, but not too close enough to call my best friend. It even hurts to know that it's true. No one is perfect and there's no exception to me either but the way I'm handling it, I know people might mistaken me for being 'big head'. I admit, I'm not taking it well. I never thought anyone is going to ever throw that to my face. Am I really that bad??
Labels: Rant
